This is part 5 of a 10-part series on my 3-month sabbatical during the summer of 2024. This series has two purposes— 1) to motivate and equip others to take a restorative break from work, and 2) to share insights I gained during my time away. To start at the beginning of the series, go here.
A quick note on this installment: I can’t really tell this part of my story without including God as a key character. I’m cool with you believing whatever you believe, and I asked for some grace as I tell the story from my angle, which includes my current (limited and flawed) understanding of the metaphysical.
Noticing the Need to Grow
I’ve built my life such that I don’t have to suffer or sacrifice very much. Most of the time, things are pretty comfortable and cushy in my world. Jeff Bezos quickly meets my every material need and whim. I have control over the type of clients I serve. I hire only people I enjoy. I live in a neighborhood that exposes me to very little poverty or crime. I sleep using a body pillow, a memory foam head pillow, and an arm pillow, on a memory foam pad which rests on top of a memory-foam-topped mattress. I’m the love child of a pea princess and a cream puff.
I now see that I’m at the greatest risk of complacency when I experience an extended period of comfort.
In the months leading up to my sabbatical, I was getting irritated and disappointed by my teammates, my clients, our revenue, and our strategy. I was hoping that the sabbatical would give me insights that would help me fix these broken areas.
By week five of the sabbatical, I discovered that what was really broken was… me.
My Kairos work is fundamentally about helping leaders continue to mature. If you would have asked me a year ago, I would have said, “Yes, of course I’m still growing and maturing.” But I would have been hard-pressed to provide much evidence. And in my self-talk about problematic situations and relationships, I rarely took much of the blame. I started realizing I had been hypocritically resting on my laurels.
My consistent prayer throughout the summer was, “Lord, direct my gaze.” As they say, “Be careful what you pray for.” My gaze started to settle on my own growth opportunities.
My mentor Charlie invited me to read Learning Humility by Richard Foster, which was a great catalyst for continued self-discovery. I became convinced that I’m arrogant, impatient, certain, impulsive, contemptuous, hostile, careless, and self-serving. Of course none of these characteristics are binary, and I have moments of curiosity, patience, compassion, and humility. But my new awareness could be summarized as, “Yes, but not enough for the next phase of the journey.”
Unconditional and Infinite Love
That awareness of how far I still have to go was the first major surprise of the sabbatical. The second surprise was that I didn’t feel any shame or condemnation around these areas of deficiency. I envisioned God chuckling, pleased that I was finally paying attention to some of the messes that we could clean up together. It felt like I was in on the joke that God had known all along. I felt seen, known, and loved.
Often, we humans feel that we need to earn love from each other. We perform and achieve in order to unlock acceptance from parents, teachers, coaches, friends, siblings. Because all of us are broken, human love is always (at least to some degree) conditional. Many of us operate the same way with God, trying to earn approval. In my view, that’s unnecessary. God starts with unconditional and infinite love and acceptance of all of ourselves, including the dark and ugly places within.
This acceptance creates a stable foundation from which we can grow and learn, ideally engaging the world with more compassion for others. Instead of performance-based acceptance, we can access a new economy: acceptance-based performance.
I had originally hoped for tactical or strategic insights that would propel Kairos toward greater success. I imagined that a better strategy would give me relief from my disappointment and irritation. Instead, I found relief through surrender to a call to be different.
I was surprised and delighted to experience God’s gentleness and playfulness in this season. No stern judgment, just some peaceful and divine detective work, focused on my soul. There’s always a greater opportunity for me to develop stronger character. There is no “arriving” at a final plateau of maturity. Simultaneously, there is no judgment or condemnation of my current state of (im)maturity. Just a gentle invitation— further up and further in.
Summary
- Prolonged comfort can lead to complacency.
- Unearned and unconditional love creates a stable platform from which we can heal, grow, love, and serve (acceptance-based performance).
- God is playful, delighting in us.
Next installment: Part 6 – Retreat
If you have any thoughts on this topic, feel free to engage with it over on LinkedIn
Chip Neidigh is Founder and CEO at Kairos, where he and his colleagues help CEOs build elite executive teams. Want to be notified when we post articles that invite a journey into more courageous and selfless leadership? Sign up for The Kairos Moment, our monthly(ish) email alert.